to pretend we never die

I work all day, and get half drunk at night.

Waking at four to soundless dark I stare.

In time the curtain edges will grow light 

Till then i see what's always there:

unresting death, a whole day nearer now. 

Making all thought impossible but how

and where I shall myself die.

Arid interrogation: yet the dread 

of dying and being dead 

Flashes afresh to hold and horrify

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse 

- the good not done, love not given, time

torn off unused - nor wretchedly because 

an only life can take so long to climb 

clear of its wrong beginnings; and may never;

But at the total emptiness of forever, 

the sure extinction we travel to

And shall be lost in always. Not to be here

Not to be anywhere. 

And soon; nothing more terrible; nothing more true

This is a special way of being afraid 

no trick dispels; religion used to try

That vast, moth eaten musical brocade

created to pretend we never die 

and specious stuff that says no rational being 

can fear what it will not feel, not seeing 

That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound 

no touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with

nothing to love or link with 

The anesthetic from which none come round 

And so it stays, just on the edge of vision 

A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill

That slows each impulse down to indecision 

Most things may never happen, this one will 

And realiseation of it rages out 

In furnace-fear when we are caught without

People or drink. Courage is no good: 

In means not scaring others. Being brave 

lets noone off the grave

Death is no different whined at than withstood

Slowly light strengthens and the room takes shape 

It stands as plain as a wardrobe, what we know, 

Have always known, yet can't escape 

yet can't accept. One side will have to go

Meanwhile telephones crouch, waiting to ring

In locked up offices, and all the uncaring

Intricate rented world begins to rouse 

The sky is as white as clay with so sun

there is work to be done. 

Postmen, like doctors, go from house to house.